she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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