how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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