Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
