SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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