Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
