I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
