no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Someone shattered a urinal.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
