We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
