I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
