I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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