very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
