Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
