And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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