So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
