dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
