Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
