how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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