All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
