I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
