either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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