i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
