that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is classic penis vs brain.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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