You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
