I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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