the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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