in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
someone get that fucking seahorse.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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