Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Please don't give away my fajitas
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize