oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
