do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Randomize
