He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
