Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
