the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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