i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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