the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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