if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
