I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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