Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
