I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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