Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
