There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
