woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize