I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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