Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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