OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
