i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
