Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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