remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize