Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
