So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
