Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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