You just made me feel so damn special
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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