I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
