I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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