if you like me you must not know who I am
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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