i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
