O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
