Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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