Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize