either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
