marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
