dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
