Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
