Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
