we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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