just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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