Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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