I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
