Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
