he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
